Oh what a world. Today is March 18th and I have nothing much to say except fuck. Last night, I must say was it. It was truly it. It was as if everything inside of me was done, every emotion was to the sky, everything up to last night, was just bottled up. For a long time I must say.
So last night I also made some decisions. Hard ones. You know when your friends might seem shady sometimes, or the friends that you don't trust even though you love them no matter what. Well once again, a similar situation happened to me. Do I jump the gun? Do I continue with this nonsense? My thoughts were racing so much I needed a minute. A god damned minute. Everyone's intensity with every possible situation going on in my head. Trying to sort out the good ones, the bad ones, what is actually a posibility. What was a gonna do? Constant constant constant. So I thought to myself, I'm fucking tired. And I honestly was, I was really tired...altered, and fed up. I even might have shed a tear. I have no problem showing my love my friends, and I'm not usually one to purposely hurt someone. In fact, it usually happens the other way around. But this situation...this situation; the endless cycles that I have been through regarding my friendships and ultimately my enemies has got to end.
I've come to terms with a lot of things in the last 24 hours. So much. And, I'm thankful that I've been through these things. And honestly, I've heard a lot of theories about life, living, religion, beliefs, and just how people are all connected or whatever. I'm not so much a religious person, but I will say that I'm the most forgiving person I've ever met, I have goals, I've had and I'm most likely still going to deal with hardships...and above all I'm not perfect. But I am me. And I really do love me. I mean, I have to talk to myself all of the time...I'm not dealing with myself...I'm living with me. Like a marriage but...well you know. I will not let negative people affect where I stand, and I love my friends now. I really do. I've never been more comfortable. You still always have to look out for #1.
